Healing From a Heartbreak with Feelings Wheel

If you’re reading this, chances are you were brought here because you most likely had your heart broken or you’re feeling frustrated from the strings of dates with an endless amount of people that never resulted in anything. 

If this is you, then I sympathise and empathise with you. It’s difficult to have to put yourself out there, let yourself be vulnerable, put time, effort and money into someone else and only result in what may feel like nothing. 

It is painful and you may feel like you were a fool but I want to tell you that despite what you’ve done or gone through I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there because the easy option is to not try for fear of failure. Yet despite that, you’ve gone out, you’ve been brave and put yourself out there and you are amazing for that.

There are others who don’t try because they are afraid of failing but by not trying, they are by default failing.

But enough about others, this is about you and your feelings. You are valid in feeling the way you are. It may feel like a whirlwind of emotions right now and what really helps is to deconstruct and identify the specific emotions that you’re feeling and for that, I recommend the feelings wheel.

How it works is you start from the centre then slowly move to the outer sections as you identify which emotion you’re feeling.

So here’s an example from when I’ve just had a breakup.

• I feel sad
• Within sad, I identify that I feel hurt
• Within the hurt, I identify that I feel disappointed because the relationship ended, how things panned out, how I wasn’t able to voice myself as constructively as I could have.

Give it a go yourself! Then read the next part. I promise it’s not too difficult even if it seems unusual.

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Now that you’ve done the exercise, how do you feel?

You may have just done the one (and that’s ok too!) or maybe you’ve gone through a series of feelings and gotten all the things off your chest and all out there.

In my experience, using the feelings wheel really helps because:

1. Identifying Specific Emotions: It helps you pinpoint specific emotions rather than feeling overwhelmed by a general sense of distress.
2. Understanding Emotions: It provides clarity on what you’re experiencing, making it easier to understand and address those feelings.
3. Validating Feelings: Naming your emotions validates your experience, which can be comforting and affirming.
4. Communicating Emotions:It aids in expressing your feelings to others more effectively, which can improve your support network's ability to help you.
5. Regulating Emotions: Recognising and naming your emotions can be the first step in managing and regulating them, reducing their intensity.

I hope you’re feeling better. I hope you know that your feelings are valid, your experiences are valid and you deserve this time to rest, recover and focus on yourself.

If using the feelings wheel didn’t help, then here are a few suggestions that I have for you:

1. Seek professional help either through a licensed therapist or through a counsellor 
2. Journal about your feelings and let it all out
3. Sweat it out through some physical activity like a run, weightlifting or swimming
4. Mindfulness activities like meditation and yoga can help ground you 
5. Get social support from friends and family. It is ok for you to reach out and ask for help, it’s not a sign of weakness. 
6. Unleash your creativity side through music, art or writing 
7. Indulge in self care, thinking about that nice but expensive thing but you couldn’t justify it? Well, it’s ok to splurge on yourself because you deserve it. 
8. Limit contact with your ex. Go no contact because it’s better to go cold turkey rather than confusing your brain, your heart and your mind about the situation. 

It may still be easy to think about all the things you have lost in the relationship that has just passed but think about all the things you’ve gained. 

Maybe it’s that now you know what you want in a partner, learn more about how to spot red flags and learn how to set boundaries and we will cover all of these in the next article so hang tight!