How to Make Your New Year’s Resolution to Find Lesbian Love Come True Your No-App Guide to Finding Lesbian Love How to Let Other Lesbians Know You Exist

Even though most of us feel comfortable being out as lesbians, it can still be hard to recognize your fellow dykes in the wild. First of all, contrary to stereotypes, lesbians don’t always act or look a certain way. Second, while your potential lesbian love might be okay telling friends and family she’s a dyke, she may not be as comfortable wearing, say, an “I Love Dykes” shirt on a local train during rush hour.

Third, even if you do spot a definite lesbian, you may feel weird approaching her. How do you know she’s single? Is the lady she’s with just a friend or someone more? Maybe she’s taking a break from relationships. You don’t want to creep her out, so you say nothing, go back on your smartphone, and hope you magically cross paths with her on one of the many lesbian dating apps out there … one of these days. 

So Many Lesbian Dating Apps, So Few Lesbian Dates: What Gives?

With all the lesbian dating apps and lesbian dating websites available, you may have decided it just does not pay to make the effort to meet an actual lesbian out in public. You think it’s too hard, too uncomfortable, too risky.

And while lesbian dating apps and lesbian dating websites are as good a way as any to meet the love of your life, you likely aren’t seeing the entire single lesbian community. There are a whole bunch of lesbians who probably don’t have the money to spend on an app’s premium features; don’t have the patience to scroll through all those photos; or have been burned by lesbians ghosting them on these types of lesbian dating platforms where there’s no accountability for rude behavior. Apps also teach us to prioritize the physical, whereas if we meet someone in person, we get the full picture, which is always better.

Looking to Our Queer Past to Change Our Queer Future

Queers have struggled to find each other in person for ages, and that struggle has led to out-of-the-box solutions like using the obscure language Polari, relying on the ultra-risque hanky code, or putting up the famous  rainbow flag.

Taking inspiration from those examples, here are a few ways to expand your lesbian dating pool in a similarly inventive way in 2025, without using the lesbian dating apps or lesbian dating websites. When you limit using those resources, you may find you meet a whole new group of lesbians you would have never have come across otherwise. And since lesbian dating apps and lesbian dating websites tend to cost so much money, your wallet will thank you too. 

If you believe lesbians are abundant, you will find they are

I wrote earlier about the lesbian scarcity mindset. Put simply, this is the myth that there just aren’t enough lesbians to go around for you to find happiness. It’s not strange to feel this way. It’s backed up by reality: In the UK alone, the vast majority of folks 16 and over identify as straight or heterosexual. Our dating pool is smaller but that doesn’t mean you won’t meet the lesbian love of your life!

Still, lesbian dating can get discouraging. This can be especially true if you live in a small town where the queer lady population is particularly small. Or maybe you are in an urban area but keep seeing the same faces on the lesbian dating apps and lesbian dating websites and wonder if these are the only people around. 

What you need to do is expand your lesbian network so you have the widest lesbian dating pool possible.

Our Rainbow Hearts Ring is a great way to find more dates outside the lesbian dating apps. Unlike lesbian dating apps, which you have to purchase on a continuous basis, the ring has a one-time cost. Most lesbians (of all ages) know what the rainbow stands for, yet it isn’t such an in-your-face symbol that you would be scared to wear it in the street. I’ve also set it up so that the ring can communicate if you are single or taken. Be sure to have the pointy tip of the heart directed away from your body if you are looking and to your body if you are in a relationship, but want to show your pride.

Another way to attract lesbians without using the lesbian dating apps? Be open to gathering where the lesbians are. I have mentioned the many different places to find lesbians before that aren’t lesbian dating apps or websites. In general, you will find lesbians at places where things of queer interest are happening — whether that’s a queer comic performing, a softball game or a “nerdy” event like a crafting circle or comic book convention. (Lesbians like nerdy events for some reason!) I want to add one more to that list — queer dating events! On January 21, I am throwing a special queer dating event in Glasgow, Scotland for single queer women. This is one event where you won’t have to guess if the love of your life is queer or not! Her attendance there means she most definitely is! This event is open to trans and cis monogamous queer women, and it’s different from your average speeddating function. It’s about getting to know each other better through good old-fashioned game play, like Jenga and charades. It’s ideal for those of you who are a little shy, as we provide icebreakers and a chance to develop a deeper connection than you might at a typical bar or club night.

I hope you’ll come join us at this event, purchase a ring, or just get outdoors in some way to meet the love of your life. So many times, we put “find love” at the top of our resolution list without a real plan to follow through other than scroll the lesbian dating apps whenever we get bored. That’s not a real plan! Really go all out! Make yourself a list of new places you will go, some events you will try, maybe even friends you will call who may know someone, and see if that doesn’t make a difference in finding Ms. Right. Happy hunting!